A Flashback in time! A Real Test of Faith!

August 20, 2013 was a day we waited 37 weeks for; a day we would be blessed of welcoming our 3rd but last child into the world! Due to placenta Previa a C-section was planned. A C-section was not my ideal way of welcoming our last child into our family but as long as he was here safe and sound then I was okay with it. Many thoughts raced through my mind as the day approached. I was preparing as if I was not going to come home. I did not let my family know of this concern but eventually broke down to my husband. SOMETHING was not going to be right, I could just feel it. I started a daily journal to tell my husband of all the ways I loved him, just in case things went wrong. Crazy that when you are experiencing a wonderful moment in life, the enemy does his best at ruining it! After a few weeks of this excitement and torment, the day was FINALLY here! 5 am and the alarm clock sounding, I woke and slowly prepared myself for what we thought was going to be the perfect day. Kissed my kids goodbye and off to the hospital we went. Calm as can be, I checked in, was sent to my room and then......anxiety set in. As they lay out my gown, give me paperwork to sign and explain what to expect, my mind raced and I could not think straight. It was a whirlwind as if I was on drugs yet I was completely sober; no anesthesia was given to me at this time. I lay on the bed, holding my husbands hand as they roll me down the L&D hallway into the surgical room. Everything went so fast but so slow. All processes took place and it felt like a dream, I couldn't talk because I was so scared, I could only nod when asked questions. Then before you knew, 0745 am and Little Easton's baby face was placed over the sheet for me to see him. Can I tell you he had an ora of an angel! As they pulled him away, he let the world know he was here, he used his lungs to tell us: An angel had arrived. Cleaned and wrapped, they lay his head next to mine as they continued to finish up the c-section. I kissed him many times and then off he went with daddy to the nursery. It is now 0815 am as I am rolled into the recovery room. I wait here patiently for Easton to return but no sight. My husband came back to sit and wait with me as Easton was warmed and checked before given to his momma. After a while, Brandon left my side to check on Easton. The clocked ticked many times in the silence and still no sign of the boys. What was going on?? And then it hit me. SOMETHING was wrong, but what? The news was brought to me that Easton was sick and could not breathe on his own, oxygen has been administered and he is now in the NICU. 5 hours went on before I could get myself into a wheelchair and go see him. I could only watch and not touch his fragile body. Not what I planned; He should have breastfed and been fast asleep on my chest by now. After this, things turned to a blur, I could not see as my eyes were full of uncontrollable tears, I could not think as my mind was clouded with too many what if's and why me questions. We wait patiently for him to heal and the oxygen to be removed but it was the exact opposite; more oxygen support was given, more extensive machines to help him breathe and then all the tubes and antibiotics were placed. This is when I realized, he will not be ready to go home when I am discharged. I wont leave his side so what am I to do? The hospital is an hour away from my home, I cannot drive on my own, I have my other children who need attended to and the hubby must return to work; I am on my own! Day 4 of Easton's life and I am discharged but the hospital set me up in guest housing and I was welcomed to stay there for as long as needed. I settled right in, had the family bring everything possible to keep me comfortable while I wait. Day 4, and I have yet to hold or nurse my son and I was getting even more frustrated, HE NEEDS HUMAN CONTACT. That's all I could scream inside my head. Then, finally, I was able to nurse him but only 1 time a day. The days progressed and so did my time with him, Day 5 I gt to nurse and hold him 2 times a day, Day 6 I got to nurse as often as he wants! This was a great moment being able to attend to his needs but it was also so complicated with oxygen tubes, feeding tubes, monitors and everything else hooked up to him! My days were spent reading, praying and sitting beside his nursery bed as I listen to monitors beep and the oxygen flow. The nights were spent all night worrying and waking every 2 hours to nurse and check on him. Day 7 came and went as did the rest, All days turn into a blur as there is no talk on when he will come home. My outcome of the day was determined by what his monitors read each time I return to the nursery. If his oxygen support numbers were decreased, it meant for a wonderful day. If there was no change or the support was increased, it meant for an awful day. This is an experience different from anything I have ever been through. A roller coaster of emotions tangled up inside me, causing me to break! An experience all to miserable to wish upon anyone. The emotional roller coaster my body went through was horrid; it wrecked me in all ways possible. Day 8, Day 9, Day 10.......When would it end??? He slowly progressed and it was all up to him when we would return home. Through out this time, I was able to reflect on what is important in life. Do you know what is important in life? Do you put materialistic items above your friends and family? Do you find success in business is greater than success in family life? Why does it take a miserable experience to realize such things? I knew from this day forward I would not take life for granted, I would put my family first and I will always tell them I love them at days end. Day 11 and the clouds start to clear and the sun starts to shine, He is getting better and there is light we will be going home soon. Even thought the news is good, I am still crying, upset, distraught and confused. I should be jumping for joy at this time but I don't want to go to sleep another night in the hospital so I stay awake trying to work out my emotions; Morning comes and I spend my hours in the nursery. Sleep deprivation has taken over! At this point, I NEED SLEEP. REAL SLEEP. It is now day 12 and word is, we will go home tomorrow! The nurses talked me into sleeping through the night and letting them bottle feed Easton with my milk. Thank Goodness they talked me into it. I felt rested come day 13 and then it hits me....This test given to me was not to punish me but to make me stronger. To make me take a timeout on life and get a grasp on what God has given me. With everything I went through in these days: the torment, the tears, the emotions I cant describe, I can still say I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with. Take your family and pull them close, let them know u love them; not just by words but by your actions! The magnetic pull this experience has given me towards my husband is a pull I don't think I would have gained otherwise. I feel so much stronger for him, Love runs much deeper and we understand that nothing can break us as long as we continue to let God be the center of our marriage. This experience has strengthened me individually but also as a mother and wife. I have been given more good from the experience then what I could Imagine! Know what matter most in life and cherish it!!! Love and Light